Sebagai orang yang sangat spontan dan superduper ekspresif , alias gampang kebaca reaksinya, gw ngerasa kalo diri gw ‘cukup memiliki kualifikasi’ menghasilkan mimik muka yang aneh2. Begitu denger yang menyenangkan mata berbinar2 gak jelas, suara agak meninggi soalnya seneng (bukan maksud mau nyanyi 7 oktaf ala Mariah Carey, waloupun gw rasa gak ada yang keberatan kalo gw emang punya suara 7 oktaf ala Mariah Carey), bibir tarik kanan-kiri 2 senti tanpa tau sebabnya (hal-hal yang mendekati euforia berlebihan). Gitu juga kalo gak suka, kerut2 di dahi (hmmm.... susah niy ngilangin kebiasaan ini,,,) manyun ato gak memandang dengan tatapan menilai gw (gw punya tatapan itu, dan nyokap gw sering banget negur gw soal ini, sampe2 gw ngerasa mungkin lebih baik gw punya mata agak2 sipit ato gimana gitu).... yah intinya bisa dibilang gw cukup mampu merepresentasikan sebagian besar perasaan gw melalui mimik muka gw....
hal-hal kayak gini suka bikin gw sedikit terjebak dalam situasi yang kurang nyaman, yah bisa dibilang bahasa kasarnya mimik muka gw lebih sering mengkhianati kemauan gw.... (gw sadar lah gak semua bentuk emosi harus diekspresikan segamblang gw mengekspresikannya). Jadi kalo Cuma dibilang gakobe siy gw mah sudah kebal, hehehe... emang gw jatohnya suka jadi gakobe kalo ngapa-ngapain. Apalagi kalo lagi mikir (bukan gakobe yang bikin gw keliatan jutaan kali lebih pinter, tapi lebih mirip gakobe karena gw malah keliatan lebih odong dari yang seharusnya....)itu bagian dari diri gw, gw rasa (entah pembenaran atau emang gw nya aja yang cukup keras kepala untuk gak ngerubah bagian itu) kayaknya agak2 repot niy untuk bisa 100% ngilangin itu.
jadi? Kesimpulannya? Hehehe... bingung juga gw... gw lagi baca bukunya Meg Cabot (selalu bikin gw geli sendiri sama kata2 nya)... ada kata-kata made a face! Tiba2 sesuatu di otak gw berbunyi (lebih mendekati bunyi ting! Daripada aha! Atau eureka!)... it suits me!gw made a face a lot! Hehehe.... bisa dibilang gw made faces, semua jenis ekstrim kanan kiri, semua ekspresi yang mungkin muncul pada seorang manusia, gw bisa bikin itu semua....
rasa2nya gw pengen setidaknya punya poker face, mungkin lebih ke cangkulan face daripada poker, yah apa ajalah yang sesuai buat gw. Gak akan jadi master (pastinya lah gw...) tapi cukup sedikit menurunkan satu derajat dari ekstrimnya emosi gw, ato gak setidaknya sedikit menyembunyikan apa yang gw rasain.... gak semua perasaan baik diekspresikan,,,,
yang ngingetin gw kalo nampaknya gw menemukan jenis mimik muka baru waktu tes TOEFL kemaren yang pastinya bikin gw nampak seperti orang bego soalnya gw bikin mimik aneh2 sama komputer yang ada di depan gw. i felt kinda stupid, i must’ve look stupid too... hehehehe.... doakan saja hasilnya terbaik.... gw udah usaha semampu gw....

people are all the same
and we only get judged by what we do
personality reflects name
and if i’m ugly then so are you,,, so are you...
(Sugababes – Ugly)

Aside dari gw deg2an... belum pernah tes model iBT bginian niy gw. Dan juga karena this is my (almost) one and only chance. Either i blew it, or i make it. One of these days i’ll know... hehehe.... semangat ah pokonya gw. Doakan saya ya teman2.... supaya nileinya bagus jadi gak usah tes lagi. Amin.May God be with me. So... di bawah ini lagu yang gw dengerin (lebih dari 20x) selama persiapan gw tes, as in belajar reading, writing, speaking, dan listening tentu saja,,,, menjadi semangat gw dan sebagainya....
1. Ne-Yo --- Mad (love this guy! Very RnB... tapi beneran enak ko! v-klip nya broke my heart... but its great!)
2. New Kids On The Block ---2 In The Morning (heuheuheuheu.... sounds cheessy.... tapi beneran bagus ini.... hyaaaa)
3. TI feat. Rihanna --- Live Your Life ( it’s TI it’s Rihanna,,,, it’s the best duet....)
4. Plain White T’s --- 1,2,3 (heyaa,,,, love it a lot! Lucu tapi tetep bisa bikin melting...)
5. Tina Dico --- One (mellow in a dark kind of way)
6. The Pipettes --- Dirty Mind (very up tempo...happy-go-lucky song!)
7. Manic Street Preachers ---Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head (no spesific reason, just because akhir2 ini udara dingin banget n ujan mulu.... hehehehe ;))
8. Keren Ann --- Not Going Anywhere (this is why I always wonder.... i’m a pond full of regret!! The lyrics just so... human,,,, )
9. Taylor Swift --- Love Story (the title said it all,,, what more can a romance-sucker like me left to stay?))
10. Joshua Radin --- Closer (dare i say, the next Jason Mraz bwt gw pribadi... hehehe)
11. Brandie Carlile --- Throw it all away ( i have a thing for rocker girl.... salah satunya Brandie Carlile...)
12. Bruce Springsteen --- Secret Garden..... yeah i know... me and Jerry Maguire... inseparable!
13. Joe Purdy --- Can’t Get It Right Today ( contrary to the son, i think i CAN get the test right tomorrow...)
14. Daniel Powter --- Free Loop (loved this one better than Bad Day)
15. Lara Fabian --- Broken Vow (like this better than Josh groban’s version..... mungkin krn yg nyanyi cewek kali ya...)
16. The Fray --- You Found Me (second album, first single,,, all okay....)
17. Vanessa Carlton --- Nolita Fairytale!!! (love it love it love it! Waloupun udah lama, tapi gak bosen2 juga gw....)
18. Meiko --- Reasons To Love You ( love the simple gesture on the words.... ;0)
19. Jason Mraz --- You and I (Both).... loved this one! Best song of his! Hehehe... lyrics is hillarious!!
20. Buffseeds --- Sparkle me... humor me... smg tesnya lancaaar

That’s it.... my Ready for iBT playlist. Harus cukup bikin gw gak deg2an buat tes.... hosh! Semangat lah! Doakan sayah smuanya.... ;)....

Has anticipation better than realization?
Has waiting become bearable than coming?
Has the alarming tension so much worth it after it alters?
Has the before is really meant well than the after?

No clue I don't
No way will I go
No Sign to follow
No Map. Nothing.
Whatsoever. Whomever. Wherever

Has anticipation better than realization?
Has doubt ever fades on the first sign of certainty?
Has fear ever turns on just one right circumstance?
Has scare ever gone on the very first glimpse of hero?

Has anticipation better than realization?
Has it really ever occurs just to stop at anticipation?
Has it really ever thoughts just to stop the ticking?
Has it really ever considers just to not taking chances?

No clue I don't
No way will I go
No Sign to follow
No Map. Nothing.
Whatsoever. Whomever. Wherever


Like breathing fresh air.
Inhaling better than exhaling
Like drinking water first thing in the morning.
Tasting the best than any water drank that day.

Like falling in love.
Sparkles and rainbows. Bruises and batters are another universe.
Like standing in the middle of pouring rain.
Romantic and soothing. Pneumonia just the after effect.

Like finishing problems.
Maturity and grown up bridge built to last forever
Like crying after a great movie
Lesson learned and memory stays

The answer is no
Both anticipation and realization made up life
The answer is no
Me. Myself needed both feelings.
The answer is no
Nothing Better than walking until the end of the tunnel.
The answer is no
It’s plain it’s truth it’s blunt it’s what it is
No.


In Memoriam of the money spent goes to DHL and FedEx.... haiah....

so... I've been sick dalam beberapa hari ini.
panas... yaggh gitulah.... untung aja gak sempet tambah parah. hanya berhenti sampe demam dan gak ada komplikasi lebih lanjut. so i'm better now... cuma berjaga-jaga agar gak maenan ujan dulu sementara waktu ini (hwaa.... loooooooovvveeee rain!).

so eniwei... seperti biasa. berhubung panas tubuh selama beberapa hari kemaren gak pernah sampe dibawah 38. tentu saja gw mencari kesibukan. mau posting tapi badan lemes banget, jadi agak sesuah mau ngetik lincah (hayah.... biasa juga gw ngetik 11 jari, as in 2 telunjuk... hehehe) tapi kalo namanya ide mah ya dateng aja. gw lagi kepikiran tentang semua buku-buku yang akhir2 ini gw baca, dan film yang gw tntn (FYI 30 Rock menang Golden Globe lagi! Tina fey sure rocks!). setelah gw mengkaji, most of the story ternyata berhubungan sekali sama pengarang atau pembuatnya ... contohnya? wheew banyak lah

Jane Austen--> Pride and Prejudice. Goddess of romance. udah nonton film nya belum? Becoming Jane (yang maen Anne Hathaway, James McAvoy! love them both!, ini nyeritain idupnya Jane Austen. cool movie. worth to watch. long story short novel perdana Jane Austen (The In famous: Pride & Prejudice) beneran nyeritain kisah cintanya dia sama "Mr. William Darcy". tapi bedanya kalo Jane Austen gak happy ending (she never married) kalo Elizabeth nikah dan hidup bahagia sama Mr. Darcy.. tapi detail novel Pride and Prejudice beneran dialamin sendiri sama Jane. perbedaanya cuma di endingnya aja. mungkin dia sebenernya pengen nikah kali ya sama "Mr. Darcy".... untung aja imajinasi dia tinggi, cerita patah hati bisa bikin novel paling romantis gitu,,, hehehe... (kalo males baca, nonton aja Pride and Prejudice, yang maen Keira Knightley).

Margaret Mitchell--> Gone With The Wind. the Notorious author: Gone With The Wind. gw sebel banget sama karakter Scarlett O'Hara sebenernya. plin plan abis. eh, pas gw nonton film ttg margaret Mitchell (yang maen Shannen doherty) ketebak banget kenapa Scarlett kayak gitu. parah. Margaret Mitchell labil kelas tinggi. more like me with the mixed of takut lelaki. hehehehe. jadi deh dia bikin karakter tipe2 Scarlett yang sebenernya takut komitmen dan takut ngadepin idup. just like the author. itu juga yang bikin novel2 nya yang laen gak ada yang se meledak Gone With The Wind..

William Shakespeare--> Romeo and Juliet. lah kalo ini mah udah bukan rahasia lagi. Romeo and Juliet bener2 terinspirasi dari kasih tak sampainya William Shakespeare sendiri (Shakespeare in Love. Gwyneth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes. tragic. tapi ending Romeo and Juliet juga bukan all flowery romance. it is dark and tragic. and romantic in a twisted kind of way... sama lah...

itu baru beberapa. maksudnya beberapa orang yang bisa bikin pengalaman hidup mereka a multi-million dollar empire yang bisa bikin anak cucunya cuma kipas2 aja nunggu duit jatoh. hehehe. kalo kebanyakan orang niy *termasuk gw*, patah hati. mewek. udah aja gitu move on. gak kepikiran nulis a mind-blowing-kick-ass-masterpiece yang bikin orang yang mau matahin hati mikir 2x kalo mau matahin hati. salah2 ntar namanya dicatut lagi buat buku. dan seluruh dunia jadi tau. pikiran gw gak sejauh itu. dan pikiran gw sama kayak orang2 kebanyakan. makannya gw gak jadi novelis best seller. hehehe...

jadi gw gak heran kalo aslinya J.K Rowling is adventurous. Stephenie Meyer clumsy. Dr. Seuss Kocak. ato mungkin Roald Dahl punya kekuatan supranatural benerean. anything could happened.

so you tell me? is art imitates life of its creator? ato sebenernya life yang imitates arts? buat gw dua-duanya. toh akhirnya dengan adanya novel2 ato lagu2 itu gw juga belajar hidup....

(Taylor Swift- Teardrops in my Guitar. Salah Satu contoh Arts imitates life.. hehe.. poor Drew guy....)

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

Last night I fall back into dreaming
Of you the only one I should be forgetting
For the word move on I keep on recalling
My dream’s so real it’s hurting
Last piece of dignity I’m holding

I wake up unbelieving
Curved smile on my face unwilling
Of all the thing worth remembering
This one particular keep resounding
Making it impossible on mending

What is broken beyond repair
Gallery of broken heart always in despair
For all I know life’s unfair
And really I’ve played my share
With no intention to ever reconcile

Bloody-Hell-Yes I am in a hurry!
To make all things about and around you blurry
Just take it all on and burry
Stuck it somewhere; lock it inside so I need no worry
But never once I stumble upon glory

Bloody-Hell-Yes I am in a hurry!
To mend the pieces
To numb in places
To forget the faces
To gloat the heart increases

Last night I fall back into dreaming
Of you the only one I should be forgetting
Never knew when will it coming
I’ve come unpreparing
And underestimating

Next time i’ll simply fixing
Whatever damaged my heart is dealing
And hoping
And coping
And winning

p.s : in the dream, i kick your butt btw.... hehehehe

in memoriam of a dead feeling.... huhuhu life sucks! In a good way!
Forgive....sounds good....
Forget... i’m not sure I could
They say, time heals everything
Well... i’m still waiting...

Heeya... setelah gw pikir2... ini kan udah taun 2009. And as the beginning, gw udah nulis wishlist gw. So? Gw pikir gak ada salahnya sekarang menulis hal-hal yang lebih ringan dan cenderung lebih tidak berbobot. Hal-hal yang membuat gw senang. Hehehe. My leisure-filling spot. Pinjem kata2nya adhew, hal-hal yang bikin endorphine gw tumpah ruah..... (haiah lebay...)

New Year. New and fresh start. Jalan lain untuk tau bahwa hidup bisa jadi lebih baik dan lebih menyenangkan dari sebelumnya. New pages to write. New lesson to learn. New experience to absorb. New matches. New shows. New singles! Yaaay!. Dan yang paling penting (bukan) new me, tapi cuma ulli yang lebih pintar dan lebih tau hal-hal daripada sebelumnya.

Perenambelas besar liga Champions bakalan bergulir!!!! Yaaaay!!!!! Menyenangkan!!!! Ini udah masuk ke kategori ‘adrenaline rush’ dimana gw bisa gak tidur mikirin starting eleven (as if I am Sir Alex Ferguson)dan kira-kira berapa skor akhirnya. (Tuhaaannnnn ijinkan klub jagoan ku menang! Amin). Dan gw bisa bersemangat begadang dan (ini sisi positif suka nonton liga champions,,, gw bisa tahajud sebelum pertandingannya mulei ;0 –gw emang butuh motivasi lebih untuk bangun 1/3 malem- dan salah satunya adalah nonton champions. (gw kurang tau juga niy niat kayak gini bisa dibilang bagus ato gak, tapi I’ve done it for quite some time now,, dan setau gw gapapa. Ibarat kata sekali merangkuh dayung 2-3 pulau terlampaui. Sekali begadang dapet solat tahajud sama nonton Liga Champions). Tapi ada pendapat lain?

Honestly, gw kurang suka sama hasil drawing nya... (uuurrggghhh rasanya pengen gw remet2 tuh yang ngocok!! Damned it!*ups sorry*) masa bisa ‘sekebetulan’ itu semua klub EPL ngelawan klub Serie A, sekali2nya gak lawan the italiano mafioso eh ketemu Real Madrid (Liverpudlian,,, I am hoping you’ll never walk alone on this one. I’m counting on that!). Gw yakin ada apa2nya! Kayak mau ngadu kick and rush sama permainan kasar ala italia! Incomparable!!! EPL is like the best league ever! They all will rise above the grave of hairy-yucky-Italians I am positive!!! Masa iya Barcelona Cuma di suruh lawan Lyon? (bukannya gw mengunderestimate Lyon tapi..... tidak adil!!!....). *hhhh... gw butuh nafas bentar hhhhh* gw suka emosi kalo ngomongin Italia. Hate them to bits.

okay ul, follow through... Chelski ketemu Juve (I hate chelshit, so i am hoping Juve menang tapi atas nama kedigdayaan EPL, penalti nampak fair enuff), Arsenal ketemu Roma (50-50 on this one, tapi gw berharap bisa liat muka van Persie lebih lama lagi dari sekedar 16 besar).. dan (saving the best for last) MU bakal ngelawan Inter! (beuh.... go against Mr. Mourinho again?!) gw agak2 deg2an juga. Bukan apa2, Inter peringkat 1 klasemen Serie A. MU? Well, peringkat 4. But i have guts... kalo musim lalu aja MU dengan suksesnya bisa ngelindes Chelshit yang masih diarsiteki Mr. Mourinho, why not this time? I have faith. They will win. They have to win. For the sake of EPL. For the sake of MU fan. For the sake of me.

The award season is comiiiing!!!! Yuhuuuu so excited!!! Pertama, karena bisa dipastikan tahun ini bakalan ada acara awardnya (mengingat tahun kemaren pemenangnya Cuma dibacain aja gara2 WGA strike). Bring on the Golden Globe, Primetime Emmy Awards, and of course the Academy Awards!!! Yeeehaaaawww.... Kedua, yang gw suka dari acara-acara award kayak gini adalah referensi, dalam artian gw jadi tau film ato serial apa yang dapet penghargaan. Dan kalo gw blm nonton biasanya bakalan gw tonton (kesukaan gw nonton Grey’s Anatomy sama Dexter bermula dari acara award kyk gini). Waloupun untuk Golden Globe kebanyakan filmnya belum maen di sini (Milk, Changeling, The Reader, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) tapi buat future reference boleh lah ya.... dan untuk serialnya kebanyakan dari tivi kabel yang di sini gak sampe (Dirty Sexy Money, Weeds, Californication) tapi kalo beneran bagus pasti bakalan gw cari (euphoric-sorta-creepy-kinda-way). Ketiga, well karena gw excited aja nonton fashion police nya abis itu.... (hehehehe, I know I know kata Tiara n Hilda gw kebanyakan nonton E!news..... well I am indeed!. Keempat? Sebenernya gw sedih Grey’s Anatomy got snubbed! But heay, with those weird-freakish-eyebrow raiser-frowning faces-storyline i should’ve guessed.

for the details,,, kudu nunggu awardnya yaaa,,,, ;) may the best win!!!

Bulan ini gw dalam tahap uncertainty of my future. Tapiiiiiii,,,,, gw akan berusaha dan berdoa lebih keras lagi. Semoga gw bisa melewati bulan ini dengan baik, dan bulan depannya masa depan gw udah jadi certain lagi. Bismillah ya Allah. Right now I am geting a slightly blurry vision, but I am hopeful. I’ll get my clear vision soon enough. Amin.

Jadi semoga:
- MU menang lawan Inter dengan margin cukup jauh (ehem 7-1 kayak lawan Roma) and just crushed those Italians!
- Gw bisa nonton acara Awards
- Masa depan gw menunjukkan titik terang yang berarti (AMIIIIIINNNN)

Selamat tahun baru semuanya!!!! Semoga di taun 2009 your life getting a lot easier, happier, merrier, and all the good meaning comparative word possible!!!! ;)

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down


(Iron & Wine ; Flightless Bird, American Mouth) FYI Iron & Wine ngisi OST Grey's Juga... so it's cool.... ;)

I am well aware that my birthday just slipped around the corner for about five days now... but.. (there's always a but regarding birthday present) still... I have a few (if not so many) wishes in my head. the one that requires quite sum of money will be hard to make believe (not even considering come true at this point). the one in particular need a healthy dose of perseverance and will and dignity (this one I know is the area I lack of,,, but hey it's my wishes!). and the rest? well, they're just wishes. it is rank to make believe y'all!!i’ll be happy like you wouldn’t believe if its happen. But if it doesn’t? Then i’ll just make another wishes

Okay, so here we go The Top 5 Things I Wanted The Most These Days (it can switch places according to my mood, but the overall scoring is still the same):

1. Charm Bracelet
It’s been my wish for about 3 years now (yeah,,,figured that was too long to hold up). I don’t know why but I really2 want one. It counts as a thing that represent me being me. But the fact that I don’t know where to buy the charm in this matter is really not helping me. I was thinking (as a start) more of a TV form, or book, as the first charm. But then again I don’t know where to get it. any ideas? So it is clear that this one in particular will be my wish for the many2 years to come until i am able to resolve the matter. I already have the bracelet and the (perfectly wrapped idea) on how it’s going to be.... FYI.

2. Grey’s Anatomy DVD box set (season 4)
I really2 tried my best to get to a higher place (if by higher place means decreasing the amount of piracy stuffed locked under my bed,then yes I try a hell lot of effort). That means i’m buying the original, the real deal, the real stuff, not imaginary. I started by buying only movies that i love,,, then I am hoping it will spread rapidly to other stuff... but i’m a starter here, and those DVD s come quite expensive for me.... so i’m on the process of decreasing,, limiting,,,discouraging. So this is my wish, for the season 4 box set.

3. Acceptance Letter (never mind the scholarship, i’ll get to that later. I need those freakin’ acceptance letter!!!)
No one could give me this except the one that i sent all my motivation letters, diplomas, transcripts, application forms, financial statements, CV, cover sheets (includes all my hope and dreams and prayer and wishful thinking) away. So yeah, i need it, i wish it would arrive soon. I begged it would arrive soon. I even think of a new mailbox to install just to encourage the letter to come (silly reason, but maybe it’ll work in a way)

4. The Twister game
Dang! It is utterly out of my budget it makes me sad! Hahahaha. I played this game once (you know, the one that requires you to put your hands and feet on the same color as the arrow told you to) and enjoyed it. And i really2 think of buying it. But.... it is over my budget (recalling that my bank account is close to none right now). I want this stuff bad... ;). I’m saving now though, maybe next month i’ll get one ;). It’s for ‘ol time sake of having fun and never worried for the grown up thing...

5. Katy Perry CD (One Of The Boys)
I like Kate Perry. Period. She have the touch of reality in her songs (not the kissing girl part) but the real true life story. I wanted to buy her CD for quite sometime now. It’s rock-pop album. It’s catchy, hilariously funny. So yeah i want it.

So, that’s the top 5 things on my wish list. Of course i long for happiness and joy and future security (who doesn’t?!)among all those stuff. But wish list usually consist of physical matters. So there, my top 5 most wanted things. Not really praying it’ll come true, but its nice to know that i still want stuff to color my life.